When Tom’s away…

How Fox felt about his Daddy hooman leaving.  I wish I'd fit; I'd have stowed away!

How Fox felt about his Daddy hooman leaving.

… Yvonne and Fox will play?  Guys, it’s “Marriage Monday.”

I’m having one of those rare nights during which I see how my life might be if Tom and I hadn’t aligned our lives when we did.  It’s gotten me to think about how my life might have been different.

See, I’ve done a great many things on my own: found health care when I was uninsured, found a way to afford college (shout out!), hid people’s secrets because I wanted to be allowed to see them, somehow passed classes I sucked at, excelled in classes I had to work hard in, and more.

But I’ve never lived on my own.

And sometimes, I let myself get worried about that.  I mean, really, what kind of person nowadays never lives alone?  Doesn’t everyone?  Moreover, an argument can be made that everyone should.  But I haven’t.  I always assumed I would, but I went straight from parental units to college to Tom.

Well, I had a single dorm for a year and a half of college.  And my darling roommate wasn’t in our room much the second (and last) semester we lived together.  So.  Let’s say I did.

I lived on my own – in a dorm room – for a year and a half.  I loved it.  I hated it.

I loved it because:

The bed in my second single dorm room, which I had for only a semester, but enjoyed.

The bed in my second single dorm room, which I had for only a semester, but enjoyed.

  • I am a terrible roommate.  I didn’t have to subject anyone to that torture again and I got to part on good terms with my only roommate.
  • I was freeeeeeeee!
  • There is probably no better feeling than being able to walk into your own space – anytime – and let loose all of the built up gases in your body.
  • No one cares whether or not your pajamas match.

    This was fantastic for how academically challenging that final semester was, let me tell you

    This was fantastic for how academically challenging that final semester was, let me tell you

  • I’m an only child who never had to share a room with anyone until I was 22 and it was terrible.
  • I didn’t have to worry about my roommate.
  • I could stay up until whenever I wanted.
  • I could decorate however I wanted.
  • I could be by the window whenever.
  • I had space.
  • I could listen to whatever music I wanted to.
  • I knew that I’d never grab the wrong person’s thing and no one could use my stuff, either.
  • My countless alarms didn’t bother anyone.

I hated it because:

This was my space in my shared room.  The bed is above... and the mattress looked like someone had bled out on it on the bottom.  Ew.

This was my space in my shared room. The bed is above… and the mattress looked like someone had bled out on it on the bottom. Ew.

  • I was lonely.
  • I had no one to talk to in the middle of the night.
  • Sometimes, there’s nothing better than having someone say, “Do you want this pudding?”
  • Having someone around hold you (more) accountable.
  • I hardly ever did laundry.
  • Hugs are nice and my roommate was one helluva hugger.
  • Giggles are nice.
  • If I was feeling any sense of self-respect, I had to get dressed to say “Good morning!” to someone’s face.
  • I proved my family right:  I never did learn to wake myself up with an alarm

You know what got me through?

Listen.  If someone can make you smile like this at 5 am the day you're heading off to what promises to be a torturous final semester in college, you know he's the ONE.

Listen. If someone can make you smile like this at 5 am the day you’re heading off to what promises to be a torturous final semester in college, you know he’s the ONE.

  • Wake up calls from Tom.
  • Knowing I’d be going home to his hug at the next possible break.
  • Looking forward to visits.
  • Campus cats.
  • Falling asleep calls from Tom.
  • Lunchtime chats with my parental units.
  • Figuring out which campus bathrooms were the nicest and most private.
  • Getting my car, Corrinna the Chevy Cavalier.
  • Meals with my best friends.
  • Being able to call Tom in the middle of the night, no matter what.

So, when I think about what I “should” or might have done, when I consider the idea that I’ve never actually lived alone, I tend to come to the same conclusion.

I’m glad I didn’t.

This isn’t about me being chicken.  This isn’t about about every single girl or guy being brave.  This isn’t about my lack of motivation to make a life for myself.  This isn’t about whether I did the “right” thing.

This is about time.  This is about love.  And this is about Tom and Yvonne.  This is about how we managed to beat all the weird odds and end up falling in love the second I moved six hours away.  This is about how I fell asleep in a bowl of oatmeal while on the phone with him one morning during our first few weeks of dating.  This is about how he wooed me by talking about his support for the Oxford comma.  This is about missing my dearly departed Tigger so badly that Tom let me get a kitten even when he told me he didn’t want one.  This is about how hard it is to break two introverts out of their respective shells.  This is about wanting something so badly that it happens.

This?  This is my life.  I’m so happy I have a weird little apartment to share with Tom – and a little furry Fox to be the man of the house when I’m supposedly alone.  I’m overjoyed that I found someone who doesn’t make me feel like a bad roommate, someone who comforts away my nightmares in the middle of the night, and someone who’s given me a place to make into a home!

So, my barely rebellious move of the day is going to be to say it’s okay that I’ve never “really” lived alone.  I somehow ended up in this spot sooner than I thought.  And it’s more than okay to like and appreciate my life for how it is!

That being said, I’m going to eat some more takeout pizza and watch some more Once Upon a Time.  This is like breakup land until Tom calls to let me know his flight has landed.

If only they had delivery ice cream in this town!


So, I’ll be lacking attention over the next few days.  Give me some in the comments?

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Rebellious Thoughts

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